I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize