My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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