lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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