note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
