Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
