Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
