weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Let's paint friendship bongs
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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