I think my vagina is haunted
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
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i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
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to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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