he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
