Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
