I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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