MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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