Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
