Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
