why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
