Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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