Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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