I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
