I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
