your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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