I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
