i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
