You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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