Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
