I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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