I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
