Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize