I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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