i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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