How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
