he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
