Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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