A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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