If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
