I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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