Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
