I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
