so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
