you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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