Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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