i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She bit a glass in half.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
