i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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