this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
