wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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