We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
