talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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