You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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