Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
