apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
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I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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