I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
