I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
