My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
