I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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