I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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