My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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