ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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