The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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