I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
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She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
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Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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