I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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