Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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