Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
A bitchslap is in order.
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