2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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