Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You ruined the universe
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
