you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
