no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
