that's an acceptable place to lick
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
